Throughout my recovery I have found that, for me, the most important thing is community & social interaction. Surrounding myself with people who have or are going through the same thing, has been such a powerful thing.
Throughout my life I've struggled a lot with the feeling of being alone. Although my family is nothing short of incredible, I struggled with a fear of abandonment that stemmed from my adoption at birth. I realize now, that I used drugs and alcohol to mask and cover that feeling of loneliness. This is probably why I was never able to attempt a life of full sobriety until walking into the rooms of AA.
Every time I would attempt sobriety in the last two years, it was something I tried to do alone. My friends, my family, & my ex's couldn't understand what it was I was going through or why I couldn't just stop. No matter how badly they tried, it was something they just didn't have the ability to understand. But in the last month I have made it a top priority to expand my circle. Grow it with people who have dealt with what I'm going through, and to at least some extent, understand what I am going through. And I must say, what a difference it has made.
I have a solid list of at LEAST twenty people who would be there for me in a heartbeat, just as I would be for them. People who I check up on and who check up on me consistently from day to day. And a huge shout out to my best friend, Charlie, who is 51 years old, for getting me through some of my toughest times and picking me up at midnight in a ditch when I sprained my ankle on my onewheel.
I also spoke with another friend for 2 hours and 18 minutes yesterday. She's only known me for 29 days but still took the time out of her incredibly busy and stressful day, to talk to me. Nobody in my entire life, besides my phenomenal therapist, could've spoken to me & made me feel understood the way she, and many others I've been surrounding myself with lately, have. It's been such an incredible breath of fresh air.
Now sure, some of these people I've known for two days, others I've known for about a month. But I can tell you with complete honesty... these people are not my friends, they are my family. They are more than my family, they are my family of fuckups. They are the family that KNOWS & UNDERSTANDS what it is I'm going through. They are the family who has been there and done the same things, if not worse things, that I've done. They are the family who will be there to catch me if fall. They are the family who can accept my mistakes and wrong doings in life and look past them to see the beautiful person that I am becoming. They are my everything.
So go out. Expand your circle. Meet new people. People who understand & accept you for who you are. Just know you are not alone and you don't have to be. And if you're feeling like there is nobody out there and it's just you out there by yourself, come to an event with us. Go to meetings. Call your best friend. Or give me a call (any time, any day), even if it's just to tell me how amazing your day is going. My number is 720-763-7761. Go create Your Family of Fuckups!
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